It takes a long time get to know this God who loves us.
That is why we have to "grow" in our knowledge and love for our Father.
He is always there, always willing to be a part of our lives, and we spend most of our time avoiding Him like having to go to Grandma's house when all the other kids are playing football outside.
I look back on my past, before I developed a close relationship with Him, and now I see Him.
I see Him when I got in a boat wreck on the Escatawpa River and was smashed between two boats with a third landing on top and I walked away without a scratch. He was there.
I see him when I tried smoking pot for the first time and a nagging voice inside of me kept saying, "this is stupid, there is nothing fun about this". He was there.
I see Him in my 7th grade year, when I was 12 years old and met the best person I could ever have as a BFF. He was there.
I see Him in 13 years of an abusive marriage, hands around my throat, losing consciousness , blacking out and waking up again. He was there.
I see Him during a year long divorce proceeding with my kids begging me to go back home, crying myself to sleep at night. He was there.
I see Him in a chance blind date that gave me the best man I could have ever hoped to love. He was there.
I didn't see Him through all of that at the time, in fact I wondered where He was and why certain things went the way they went. And then I avoided Him, (like that is possible) because there was too much, too much I did wrong, too many times I did exactly what it says in the Word not to do. I sinned, and even before I knew Him, I knew that.
Like they say, hindsight is 20/20, I see Him all the way through it now.
I have come to realize that I had to go through it all, I had to deal with a parental suicide to make me realize that no matter what, I was going to be a better parent than I had, and always, always tell someone you love them when you part, you may never get the chance again. We are not guaranteed the next second.
I had to deal with a mother who was more worried about men than she was her own children, so I would become a better parent, I had to deal with an abusive 13 year marriage, so when the right one came along afterwards, I would recognize it.
Everything led me to the path I am on now, raising 3 grandchildren who, if circumstances had not been played out the way they were, would now be part of an overflowing foster care system. I, in all honesty, would probably have not stepped foot in church that first Sunday morning, and I would not be as close as I am now to the God who put it all into motion.
He put me here for such a time as this. He watched over me, guided me and drew me near.
Now I see Him everywhere, when I'm driving to work and I'm late and the slowest person to drive Highway 90 gets in front of me, "slow down" He is there.
When I'm dealing with three kids who went from practically wild, unruly kids who had been raising themselves since they were 4 and 5 years old and He knows I need the patience of ten saints, He is there, helping me to deal with all the situations that rise up. Whispering to me to keep calm, react with compassion, show Jesus. He is there. He knows I could not make it through this on my own. I probably would have already turned them over to the state by now.
He's also there in the cool breeze that blows over me when I foolishly decide 90 degree weather with 100% humidity is the best time to cut the grass. And yes, I thank Him for it.
He's there when the kids laugh, He's there when my neighbor cooks me dinner because I'm the only one home and I don't even know how to cook for one.
He's there when we serve and you can just feel the Holy Spirit moving through a room.
He's just always there, the good, the bad, (you know it's coming) the ugly..... He is a part of all of it, He doesn't change. He just patiently waits for us to see Him.
It's when we learn that pure and simple truth, give up trying to do everything on our own and turn it all over to Him, that we see Him everywhere.
He's always been there, we just have to open our hearts to believe it.
For all the Calvanists out there, I'm sorry, I don't believe He 'made' me turn to Him, I just believe that He was there in every situation, and as you can see, I had 40 years of not turning to Him even tho He was there the whole time.
He gives us the opportunity to lean on Him, He doesn't make us lean on Him. Just like I want my husband to love me, I can't make him love me.
You know that whole free will thing and all......
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