I'm not good at religion.
Not every other word out of my mouth is a praise and a worship to God. Though almost every thought in my head is. "Thank you God for that extra five minutes of peace before the kids woke up and started fighting" "God, watch over that crazy driver" "Father thank you for that cloud over my head while I am cutting the grass in 90 degree weather" "Father thank you for loving fools and sinners, despite the crazy things I do"
That's all internal, outwardly I'm not that religious.
I don't go to church because I'm supposed to. I go because I love going to church.
I love seeing the faces and checking in on people and learning something new in scripture I've never realized before. I love the visiting preachers and talking to their families.
I wear my best on Sunday mornings because I feel like it's a praise to Him on the Sabbath. Sunday evenings and Wednesdays? Jeans and t-shirts and tennis shoes, and even sometimes................flip flops! Oh my!
I rarely lift my hands in praise during songs. If it moves me, touches me deep down, I have been known to before, but it's not that often. I don't go up front during alter calls, unless it's for a prayer service for someone, but I do stand in my place and pray, in my head, hard, over that alter call. I pray that the needs of everyone who came forward be met with His loving grace and kindness, in His will.
And yes, I'm one of those people that if you get within arms reach, I'm going to grab you and draw you in for a big hug, praying over you when I do.
I don't read my bible because I'm supposed to.
I did that last year, I wanted to read the bible through and finally be able to mark a date in the back of my first reading. And I did 11/02/2017 my first official full reading of the bible.
Yay! Good for me!!
You know what I got out of it? Nothing. I didn't remember half of what I read because I read so fast, to hurry up, to finally be able to write that date down. I skimmed over parts I didn't feel like reading through, all those begats! whew! skimmed right past 'em, skimmed the parts that didn't seem to apply to me, blew right through the Chronicles, and the Song of Solomon, and most of the Proverbs as they seemed to be repeating themselves over and over again.
Now does this seem like anyway to read the Word of God?
No, it didn't to me either. So this year when I was thinking about starting my bible in a year reading program I thought, "you know what? You're not doing that again. Why? Just to have two dates written in the back of the bible?" While I admit, that would be awesome, and make me feel like I was becoming more and more 'religious', "look, I've read the bible through, twice in the two years since I've been baptized!" "I'm awesome, and religious, and puffed up, and proud........" you see where this could go.
So I started my reading this year with intentional intentions. (figure that one out).
I decided I was going to read every last word, every singe the, thou, those and that's, and all those begats! Wow! There's a lot of those. I was going to focus on those names that I couldn't pronounce (don't worry, I still can't) and follow that line until the end, being intentional.
I won't be finished this year I don't think, I might, I'm currently in Isaiah, it could be done, but I don't think it will be. I am enjoying the reading so much more. I had thought that this would be a hard labor of love, but it has turned into a much more enjoyable experience. So what if I am not finished with Revelations by December 31st 2018? What does that mean? If Jesus came today I don't think He would say, "NO! you stay and finish that, then you can come" I think He would say, "I felt you draw closer to me, did you see all those begats? That's Me, that's My lineage, those are My people."
I don't do my devotionals (still another post) because I should, because they come free in the mail and I want a collection so I can say "see, all these devotionals I do everyday. Yes, I'm that religious"
I do them because, thank you Jesus, I still have that hunger to grow deeper into God's word. The same hunger I had when I first started reading His word. I still crave that deeper understanding, not just of knowing verses and scripture, but KNOWING verses and scripture.
I have tried to explain to my sweetie why he should get at least one daily devotional, you can't just do a daily bible reading and lean on your own understanding for what you are reading, you need leading and guidance and someone to help you look at it a different way, to make you think deeper about what you're reading, to challenge you to find the matching verses, to help you understand it deeper.
We can't do that on our own, if all we do is read the bible we form our own opinions about certain verses, there's nothing there to challenge you to get deeper into it. I don't agree with all of the devotionals I read, but they do make me think, consider my opinions and make me see things a little more differently than I did before. And I have grown in my own understanding through these devotionals, I don't blindly follow, but they definitely make me look deeper into a verse.
You won't walk in my house and be able to see my religion, well as long as you don't look at the bibles and books spread across my bed from my morning routine. Otherwise, there isn't a bunch of 'religious looking' stuff around my house. I don't have crosses hung everywhere, I believe the cross is where my forgiveness begins, but that's about it. They nailed him to a tree just like every other so called 'criminal' of the day. That's how they did it.
I thank Jesus everyday for willingly going to that cross, but the cross is not the point, the Savior who let Himself be hung there is the point.
I'm not very bold at all at speaking about our Savior, I pray everyday that He would bless me with that boldness, but as of yet, I am apparantly supposed to patiently wait.
I don't hide my beliefs, if you knew me you would know that's the truth, I'm not very good at hiding my thoughts and feelings. I'm just not "let me start this conversation with you" bold about it.
Pray for me that I would one day become that bold for our Savior.
So as you can see, I'm not very 'religious', I love my God, I love, bless and thank my Savior, I am doing everything I can to get to know Him more, to draw closer to Him, but the religion part, well, lets just say that's between me and the One who died on the cross so I can get to know Him better, draw closer to Him, even if know one else sees it, He does.
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